why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
