there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
