Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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