Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
