i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
