just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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