toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
