Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
