And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
