dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you win again, gameday.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
