If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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