So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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