doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
