I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
