There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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