Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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