And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
