dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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