so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
