Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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