I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize