So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
