my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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