my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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