i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Randomize
