is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
two words...techno handjob
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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