I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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