Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Sober January is a disaster.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
