the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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