Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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