Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
