Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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