This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
