Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
