If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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