Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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