even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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