Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
