Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
