Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
