Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
