To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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