I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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