so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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