you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
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Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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