I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
