Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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