I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
