my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
