your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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