It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
