I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
