"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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