I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Randomize
