I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
