Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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