I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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