Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
