I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
