He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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