Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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