Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
