A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
