your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
