Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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