my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
