Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
