Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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