My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
