last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
