you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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