I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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