i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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