So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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