Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The air was thick with penises
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
