Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
FUCK WHALES
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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