We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
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There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
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I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year